A little lockdown poetry inspired by Roger McGough’s ‘Today is Not a Day for Adultery’
Like many of us, when lockdown hit I decided it was time to adjust my business a little and take my writers’ circles online. I’ve been running a writers’ circle for about 30 years now, mostly from home. I would keep the format the same. First we do a ten-minute speedwrite and then share our writing. Next I set a ten-minute task and we share that. Last week, I decided we’d work on rhythm and asked them to rewrite their own versions of Roger McGough’s poem Today is Not a Day for Adultery. The poem, albeit slightly saucy, explains how it may not be sensible to visit your lover’s house when it’s raining because you run the risk of catching flu. Instead, our lover is urged to stay home. #stayathome
I asked my students to retain the same basic form and rhythm while exchanging some of McGough’s words for their own. They could also pick their own theme, though inevitably many used the current Coronavirus pandemic.
The task proved to be a lot of fun and a welcome distraction from the testing times in which we find ourselves.
Our versions began:
Today is not a day for rejoicing
Today is not a day for teetotalism
Today is not a day for promises
Today is not a day for working from home
And
Today is now a day for adultery
And many more
During the course of the week, students began sharing their versions via email, one shared hers on Facebook, others asked their friends to have a go too.
I wondered whether maybe we were onto something?
Just ask, folks
I wondered whether maybe even more people would have their spirits lifted by reading our poems or by writing their own? But I’m not naïve. I know about intellectual property and plagiarism, so I managed to track Roger down via his agent and asked his permission to do just this on my blog. He generously and graciously agreed. Yes folks I am delighted to say that Roger McGough, fellow Hull University alumnus, Liverpool poet and one-time member of The Scaffold (remember Lily The Pink?) has been emailing little old me.
So this, here, is what I have done with massive thanks to Roger.
Roger’s version is below, followed by my own version and then some by my students and friends.
MY POETRY CHALLENGE: Will you be inspired enough to add your own version of the poem to the comments section on this blog?
Thank you @mcgoughroger
Today is not a day for adultery
Today is not a day for adultery.
The sky is a wet blanket
Being shaken in anger. Thunder
Rumbles through the streets
Like malicious gossip.
Take my advice: braving
The storm will not impress your lover
When you turn up at the house
In an anorak. Wellingtons,
Even coloured, seldom arouse.
Your umbrella will leave a tell-tale
Puddle in the hall. Another stain
To be explained away. Stay in,
Keep your mucus to yourself.
Today is not a day for sin.
Best pick up the phone and cancel.
Postpone until the weather clears.
No point in getting soaked through.
At your age, a fuck’s not worth
The chance of catching flu.
© Roger McGough
So, now, would you like to see our versions?
Today is Not a Day for a Bunk-up
Today is not a day for a bunk-up.
My fat belly’s a turn off
That will wobble in foreplay. Disgust
Trembles through my thighs
As I lie there.
Take my advice: eating
Six Hobnobs will not impress your lover
When you turn towards him in bed
In a track suit. Nylon
Induced electricity’s just not the same.
Your M&S Shapewear’s a clue
To your expanding waistline. Stay slim
Move your cravings to the bedroom.
No, today is not another day for gin.
Best switch that butter for Outline
Don’t leave the diet til the virus clears
No point social distancing your mate.
At your age, a fuck’s more than worth
The sacrifice of cake.
Jo Parfitt
Today is Now a Day for Adultery
Today is now a day for adultery.
The sky is a wet dreamer
Being shaken in desires. Thunder
Rumbles through the thighs
Like malicious intent.
Take my advice: riding the storm
will now impress your lover
When you turn up at his house
In a negligee and wellingtons
Brightly colored, surely arouse
His orgasm will leave a tell-tale
Puddle in the hall. Another stain
To be unexplained. Stay in,
Keep your juices for yourselves.
Today is now a day for sin.
Best lift up the sheets and dive in.
Consume until the weather clears.
No shame in getting soaked through.
At your age, a fuck’s so worth
The chance of catching crabs.
JS
Today is Not a Day for Teetotalism
Today is not a day for teetotalism.
The husband is a wet blanket
Being shaken in anger. Thunder
Rumbles through the children
Like malicious gossip.
Take my advice: denying yourself alcohol
will not impress your neighbours
When police turn up at the house
In a panda car. Bodies in the veg patch,
Even given extenuating circumstances, seldom result in a mere caution.
Your abstinence will leave a tell-tale
Surplus in the drinks’ cabinet. Another unopened bottle
To be explained away. Stay in,
Keep your chardonnay to yourself.
Today is not a day for temperance.
Best pick up the phone and order a case.
Imbibe until the weather clears.
No point in staying sober.
At your age, it’s not fucking worth
The possibility of murdering your family.
Susan Boyd
Today is Not a Day for Promises
Today is not a day for promises
For pledges need a future
And security of soul
To glide towards eternity
And linger there, sublime.
Believe me I would gladly
Promise you the universe
If you and I could reach that goal.
Yet, since tomorrow may not come,
I will not promise thus.
Your face I kiss but only
For a fleeting hour or so.
Tomorrow I’ll be but a memory
Of blissful solace yet it’s
Joy that will not come again.
This hour is not an hour for promises
For time is still and motionless today.
But when it’s passed, I’ll
Hold your kiss and understand
My promise is fulfilled in you.
Lesley
Today is Not a Day for Working From Home
Today is not a day for working from home
The sky is a glorious blue
colouring the sea. The wind
whistles through the land
Making its own music
Take my advice. Working
at your desk will not impress your manager when you submit your report
in a rush. A Zoom call
showing your pale, tired face won’t help.
Your puffy eyes will leave a tell tale
screen shot on display. Another
sign to be explained away, Go out.
Get some fresh air in your lungs
Today is not a day for work
Best pick up the phone and cancel
Postpone until the weather’s bad
No point in getting stressed out.
At your age, work’s not worth
the risk of heart attacks.
Geraldine Bown
Today’s Not a Day for the Dentist
Today is not a day for the dentist.
My mouth is a hot blanket
Being shaken with pain. Virus
Bumbles through my veins
Malicious invaders.
Take my advice: breaking
Lockdown will not impress or relieve
The pain. Turning up at with a
Virus filled mask. Even trying
Bribing with cash won’t avail.
Your saliva will leave a fatal
Puddle on the drill. Another sin
That can slay. So stay in,
Keep your mucus to yourself.
Today is not a day to kill.
Best pick up the phone and cancel.
Postpone to flatten the curve.
No point infecting others.
At your age, false teeth beckon.
So, numb it with wine instead.
Sarah
Today is Not a Day for Reminiscing
Today is not a day for reminiscing
We mustmove on
Quivering through the Covid. Grouchy,
We Grumble – ‘stay in’
No street life to roam.
Listen to me stay home –
embrace a cosy nineteen. Forget
the Covid, Corona
coronary collapsing, calculating
killer. Keep your rubbers on.
Coloured will do. Pop up
the umbrella and leave a stain.
Share the mucus, you and your love,
for todays the day for
cosy nineteen.
Pick up the silks and satin
sunny or grey, don’t wait
for another day. Get soaked,
cause at our age cosy nineteen,
may not, again be seen
Caron Moran
Today is Not a Day for Labouring
Today is not a day for labouring
Because the sun is bright
Its golden rays beam down, warming
the streets and buildings
Encouraging folks to chat
Listen to me and wonder
The glow will lift your hearts
Open your doors and windows
Throw off your coats and scarves
Feel your body come to life
Your sunshade will leave a shadow
Yet still you will be warm
Nature is so wonderful, go out
And feel its glow
Today is not for labouring
Pick up the phone and call your friends
Before the weather changes
Tell them time is precious and
we really need to party
Before we miss the chance!
Vivien
Today is Not a Day for Day Dreaming
Today is not a day for day dreaming
Time change has proven that
Being shaken with summer clock hour
Missing the day twice
Like gaps in my headache
Take my advice: Breathe on
The havoc will impress on you that
Calm is the best way to go
Nobody died, that’s the good news
That’s my new benchmark in life now
Your mindfulness is what’s important
Muddle on and savour every day
Life is way too precious today
Keep remembering this fact
Embrace and love like it’s your last
CieSaw
MY POETRY CHALLENGE: Will you be inspired enough to add your own version of the poem to the comments section on this blog?
#writingprompt #quarantineandchill #lockdownpoems #todayisnotaday #writingcommunity
