10 reasons why daring to share may be the best thing you ever did
A scene from The Writers’ Circle in The Hague; credit Natalie Carstens “What’s so interesting about me?”
“But isn’t writing about myself just self-indulgent?”
“Aren’t I just being a narcissist?”
“Isn’t it a bit of a pity-party?”
These are typical of the questions I get asked when running a writing workshop. Many students are understandably nervous about sharing true stories about some of the bad things that have happened to them.
- They fear they may be judged negatively.
- They worry they might be accused of over-sharing or too self-pitying.
- They wonder if there is even any point to digging over old ground and bringing up negative subjects.
- They believe that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness.
I don’t agree.
In 2018, Terry Anne Wilson and I published Monday Morning Emails. It was the most honest and open book I had ever written. I shared about the abuse I suffered as a child, the mental health issues my twenty-something was going through, the pain of living a life in limbo as an expatriate whose next posting was controlled not by us but by my husband’s company. I shared about the ageing and illness of my father, who passed away soon after the book’s release. These and many other issues. Yes it was tough to do. Yes, Terry Anne and I sometimes questioned our motives but deep down we both knew that no one else had yet dared to share such truths about the mobile life and it needed to be done. The outpouring of gratitude and the emotional reviews we received since, prove we did the right thing.
And so, when I’m teaching, I do my best to soothe the worries of my students and encourage them to put pen to paper and even go so far as to press the terrifying Post button on their blog or social media platform. Here are some of the reasons I believe daring to share tough stuff is worthwhile:
- “We write not to be understood, but to understand,” wrote Lewis Carroll, author of Alice in Wonderland. You see writing about tough stuff helps you to make sense of what has happened and in some cases can even provide closure.
- If you have been through something that happens to other people too then your story will resonate with them. They will feel less alone.
- Readers are much more interested in seeing how your story relates to theirs than focusing on you and your frailties. Instead they only see themselves.
- A 2012 study conducted by Brigham University found that writing about tough stuff reduces the negative emotions connected with it.
- This same study discovered that sharing those stories in written or verbal form lessens those negative emotions still further.
- If you have found a way to overcome your bad time then sharing how you did so will be helpful to those who read it.
- When your story is constructed in such a way that its goal is to give readers hope and to be supportive then it is not narcissistic.
- When you start daring to share your stories, perhaps in a safe environment, such as a writers’ circle, or club newsletter, rather than online, you will begin to feel heard and supported yourself, while maybe giving someone who reads or hears it permission to share their own story and be helped too.
- A story is of value if it fulfills one of the following: Inspire; Support, Inform or Entertain. If it does none of these then it may indeed be of less value to others, but nevertheless, if it helps you to express it even if only in your journal, then go for it. Write it and burn it. Express it and let it go.
- If you have insights to share as a result of your story and its journey towards healing, then go on, be brave, press that Post button and then ask some of your cheerleaders and supporters to read and comment. Even if no one else ever sees it, the boost and self-confidence you will receive will give you the strength to continue.
Tanya Crossman, author of Misunderstood, recently recorded a heartfelt video review of Monday Morning Emails. If you are still in any doubt as to why your story might be worth sharing your own story, then you might like to have a watch.
